Monday, November 15, 2010

Self Discovery

When I Think about Me, I Interview Myself

It has come to The Weekend Aristocrats’s attention that while we have many loyal readers, our fans do not know much about us. After further thought, many of us here realized that we really don’t know much about ourselves either. In an attempt to gain some self-understanding while simultaneously boosting his own ego and filling up blog space, one writer has volunteered to get the scoop on the staff, starting with himself.  In reality, this is because The Weekend Aristocrat only has one writer. Let's just call him Dick. Below is the transcript of when Dick sat down to ask and answer a few questions.

Dick (Interviewer): First of all, thanks for sitting down with myself. I have done everything in my power to make this experience as comfortable for myself as possible. I’m sure you’ll appreciate that.

Dick: I do appreciate it, especially this make-shift recliner and the Colt 45 served in a wine glass. Classy.

Dick (Interviewer): Well let’s just get strait to it, Dick. Besides the fact that you haven’t written in the 1st person in a while, why did you agree to do this interview?

Dick: Well I guess mostly because there are just so many questions I have about myself, but I don’t have any answers. I thought if I could formally sit down with myself, I might learn a thing or two. For instance, let’s suppose there is a really masculine lesbian woman, and a really feminine gay man. If the woman was attracted to the man’s femininity, and visa versa, could they, like, be together? And if they could, would they still be gay or strait? I just have many thoughts like that that I want explained. That, and I was out of blog ideas this week.

This is the international symbol for internal peace and internal safety. Unfortunately, the NFL does not recognize the copyright of the safety signal.

Dick (Interviewer): Hmm…That is a deep thought. I’d want myself to answer that riddle too. You said you were out of blog ideas. Is this a common situation for you?

Dick: Well, sometimes it can be common. It is especially hard to think of something to write about when there is no one or nothing to make fun of.

Dick (Interviewer): So your main motivation for writing then is just to be a dick isn't it? I bet if you had no one to make of you’d have no reason to live would you? Honestly Dick, I think your blog sucks.

Dick: Well, I am my own worst critic so I can see why you’d say that.

Dick (Interviewer): So you’re your own worst critic? Given the size of your ego, I find that quite surprising.

Dick: Sometimes I even surprise myself.

Dick (Interviewer): Have you been guiding the questions and answers of this entire interview just to set up that last joke?

Dick: What do you think?

Dick (Interviewer): (Sigh) Pathetic.

Dick: I know.

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