Sunday, September 26, 2010

Breaking Ankle News from Sports World

Racing Horse Breaks Ankle
Owner Decides to Put Down Jockey

In a tragic training session early Thursday morning, a jockey in Kentucky broke his arm while whipping his horse in an effort to make the horse go faster. The jockey’s owner had no other choice. He solemnly loaded his shot gun and put down his most prized jockey with a tear in his eye. 

“It just hurts real bad,” said Robert Wheaton, the jockey’s owner. “I raised that jockey since he was a baby. He had such a natural instinct at hitting animals. I gave him his first whip when he was three, and he wasted no time running around the yard a hitting the dogs. I think a lot of it came from his pedigree. His brother, Mel Gibson, also knows a thing or two about slapping bitches.”

Jockey shown in actual size!
Wheaton has still been grieving. “I still wonder if I could’ve kept him on the farm. Obviously with a broken arm I wouldn’t be able to race him anymore, but I could’ve probably still found work for him. He would’ve been great at disciplining my kids for me. That way I wouldn’t have to send my kids mixed messages, but oh well. I guess it’s still probably for the best that I put him down. He was getting older everyday, and he also was starting to put on weight. He almost hit 120 lbs before be broke his arm. There’s no way I could’ve afforded to feed him anyways.”
Wheaton also lamented, “We had special bond. I know no one thinks that jockeys can understand human words, but sometimes I actually swore that I heard him talk.” Brown then went on to smile and reminisce, “I used to call him ‘slim shit’ ha. It was our special bond. I don’t think anyone else really got it, but we had some good times together. I remember personally collecting his semen once to store for future jockey breeding. I think he really enjoyed that. It was stuff like that that made us feel more like brothers and less like a jockey and his owner. You can’t recreate a bond like that.”
Wheaton is certain that he will eventually be able to move on. He actually just bought a child jockey from Chile off Craigslist, so he won’t have to spend much time waiting to see who his new jockey will be. Even with having to put his jockey down, Wheaton still thinks the biggest loss he faced was losing his horse. “After ‘slim shit’ broke his arm, he fell off the horse and the horse ran right into a barn,” added Wheaton. “That part sucks the most. That horse was killed as soon as the barn collapsed on him."

 The horse’s name was ‘Die Another Day’.

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