Sunday, October 17, 2010

Writer's Block

At Least my Cock’s Still in the Clear

Writers block is a serious condition that affects everyone who has to write a paper, article, or deposition. Currently, I’m struggling with all three so I thought I’d use my blog this week to share some advice on how to put together a group of words to form complete sentences, and then turn those sentences into paragraphs. 

And a good first tip I’ll show you about paragraphs is to always hit return and tab to start a new one, like this…
Now I have a decent grasp of the language arts, but I wasn’t always that way. I can remember multiple times when I was kicked out of church as a child for the use of bad language. I never cussed, but my Sunday school teacher was an English teacher, and my nouns often didn’t agree with my verbs when I spoke. Even today, I still don’t knows why the hell I used to did that.
The hardest part of writing a paper is coming up with an idea, so this is where bullshitting comes in real handy. College English classes are notorious for their use of bullshit. It’s cool though, most college English teachers won’t care. After all, they’d be hypocrites for calling you out on your B.S. when they clearly have a B.S. job to begin with. Honestly, colleges have English teachers? If people still need help reading and writing by now, they should’ve never have gotten into college in the first place. But then again, I do go to a public school…in Tennessee.
This bears repeating. Again, I'm just thankful that at least my cock is still in the clear.

Now that you got your idea, it’s time to actually get some writing done. This is where things get tricky. Surprisingly, the people who understand how this process works are business majors. Now that you got an idea, just pay someone else to do it for you while you still get the credit. Immigrant laborers will jump at the chance to write your paper. Just a word of advice here, I wouldn’t go to Home Depot to pick up your writers, but there is plenty of extra help on the corners of every Sylvan Learning center nationwide. Pay a foreigner to do it, it’s the American way.
As far as the writing goes, make sure whoever writes your paper throws in a few similes or metaphors. Papers are a game, and sometimes you gotta throw in some fancy plays on words to confuse your competition. Also, use parenthesis when you need to take some space (I know this sounds mundane, but writing sentences in parenthesis is an easy way to up your word count without having to make a point).
So I hope this helps you with your writing. Actually, I don’t really care, I just bullshitted this whole thing.

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