Thursday, October 7, 2010

Lesson of the Day: White and Wrong

White American Culture Reservations Established
And not just at NASCAR Tracks

A group of concerned Americans have successfully set up a reservation for white people to protect their culture from Hispanic settlers. The idea for white people reservations was inspired by the former existence of Native American reservations. In fact, Congress approved the plan to turn all former Native American Reservations into White American Reservations.
“We decided that the best way to implement this plan to protect white culture was to take land of Native Americans to use it,” said the anonymous reservation lobbyist. “And honestly, what’s more white than taking land away from natives?”

Are you going to read this article about white people, or is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch?

Other white reservations have been established in conjunction with the former Native American reservations. As of now, a two-mile white culture perimeter has been established around every private golf course. However, this ruling has not resulted in anyone being forced to sell their land. This is because no one but white people live within two miles of a private golf course.
Multiple changes have occurred in converted reservations. All casinos have been demolished, and stock exchanges are currently in construction to replace them. “We didn’t want to attract the low-lives who throw their money away on slots and craps,” said white reservation resident Robert Standifer. “So instead we’re building stock markets. Of course people will still throw money away, but at least they’ll wear a suit and tie while they do it. That’s the white people way.” Standifer also stated that former Native American horse stables will be converted into horse racing tracks for the same reason.
The reservations have not been without their problems, however. Drug use and addiction has taken a strong hold on many reservations, and concerned residents are doing whatever they can to curb drug use and fight white stereotypes. Prozac, the drug of choice on white reservations, has swept through both socio-economic levels on the white reservations: upper class, and upper-middle class.
Also, many white mothers are concerned with how the media glamorizes white collar crime to their suburban youth in movies such as “Office Space” and “Paycheck.”
“Honestly I am becoming worried about the future of our white children’s’ work ethics,” lamented one white mother. “I don’t know of a single white kid anymore who is willing to put in the hard work at the bottom of the crime chain before moving on up. They think selling weed on the street is beneath their dignity, but they’re actually missing out on real opportunities.”
In order to combat white stereotypes as well as educate others about white culture, many white reservations have started white culture history museums. One exhibit includes the traditional way of how white people create music. The exhibit shows a white teen plugging his iPod into speakers while others around him shy away from the dance floor due to their lack of rhythm.
“We really feel like these museums show who we are,” added Standifer. “Our favorite part about our museums is the giant walls we put around them to make sure no one but white people can come in except through the gate. And the whitest part about it is, all the museums and walls were built with Mexican labor.”

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