UT’s Got Talent
And Most of it Writes for this Blog
This October, the University of Tennessee is going to experience something that it never has before. Unfortunately, it will not be having an adequate number of parking spaces. Actually, TVC (the student television station that no one other than the people who work there know about) is hosting a campus wide talent show.
It’s called UT’s Got Talent. Now I know what you’re thinking. If UT has talent, then why haven’t we seen it on the football field so far? However, this might actually be the most entertaining show to ever air on TVC. I wouldn’t be surprised if tens of viewers watch the first episode.
The talented Susan Boyle: a lovely voice for television talent shows, and an even lovelier face for radio.
Now here’s how it’s gonna work. Starting October 11, contestants will perform their talents in the TVC studio. Then viewers will vote to determine which contestants will advance after the shows air. There are also three judges, but since only the students’ votes count, I’m not really sure why the judges are there. Nevertheless, I have taken time to create three simple steps to win the competition.
Step one: Pander to the voters. Like I said before, there are judges, but they don’t really matter so efforts to sleep with them are pointless. This makes your job harder. Given the fact that TVC airs on campus channel 64, I suggest pandering to campus residents, which will be mostly freshmen. So if you have a talent that pertains to the dormitory dwellers, your chances of getting votes will be higher. As such, I suggest displaying talents of making bongs out of simple house-hold items each freshman is sure to have in his/her room. Also, not all people who live in dorms are freshmen. So throw in a talent for the upperclassmen R.A.s as well, such as the talent of how to make friends and not suck.
Step two: Intimidate the competition. Life is all about intimidation. Why do you think cops are such ass holes all the time? It’s because they know if they make you afraid, you won’t try to get out of trouble. Unfortunately, this happens all too often. But you can use this same philosophy to your advantage. The key factor is confidence, and to quote George Costanza, “It’s not a lie if you believe it.” Here’s an example of confident intimidation: Honestly, none of you should even bother auditioning for this show because my rendition of The Vagina Monologues will bring a tear to your eye and a kick to your balls. Seriously, it’s that good.
Step three: Show some ass. Do you think that talent is the only actual thing that determines peoples’ success? If that were so, then Sarah Palin would’ve never gotten the VP nomination in 2008. Palin understood that sometimes you just gotta show some ass to get some attention, a lesson which she successfully passed down to her daughter.
P.S. Here's the link to the competition's facebook page. I suggest reading this soon if you plan to enter.