Friday, October 29, 2010

Campus Ghost Stories

There are Ghosts on Campus
Like the One behind You Right Now

There are many scary things about being a student at the University of Tennessee. But I’ll spare you my lecture about asbestos in our buildings. Here are some ghosts stories instead.
One campus ghost is named Fanny. She was a student in the 1920’s, and was an aspiring actress. She was all set to go to Hollywood after playing a small role in a Knoxville film, but she died of tuberculosis before she could make the trip. Being a theater fan, she is said to haunt Cox Auditorium at AMB, and is sometimes seen during rehearsals. Perhaps Fanny is the reason I heard hundreds of girls screaming at AMB two Tuesdays ago. It could’ve also been lipsync, but surely nobody gets excited for something as pointless as lipsync. Or maybe they could’ve been, but I’ll just give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they saw Fanny.
A long time ago, mice infested the old business building. Being the cunning business students that they were, students brought in cats to eat all the mice. However, ghosts of the mice took their revenge by haunting the hallways. So the students killed all the cats so the ghosts of the cats would drive out the ghosts of the mice. It worked, and that’s why the new business building has no ghosts of any kind. I’m just gonna go ahead and assume all mice are gay since they’re afraid of pussies.
Shown here is the Ghost of Christmas Present. It is the only picture of a ghost that does not scare me.

There are apparently several Union soldiers that are buried near Perkins. Supposedly, you can sometimes see them near Perkins looking over maps. However, no Confederate souls are known to have risen. So if anything is rising in Knoxville again, it’s the Union. Sorry KA.
Another ghost that haunts campus is the ghost of Phillip Fulmer’s career. It is reported that this ghost haunts Mike Hamilton’s office daily. The ghost will often whisper is Mike’s ear about that “heckuva job” Mike did on hiring Lane Kiffin. As if that’s not enough, apparently there are some ghosts from Bruce Pearl’s old phone calls that are haunting Mike now too.
The most famous ghost on campus is Sophie of the former women’s residence Sophia Strong Hall. As legend holds, girls can sometimes see the ghost of Sophie in their mirrors brushing her hair. Not only that, but Sophie also appears when roommates used to quarrel or were up to inappropriate activities for young ladies. In other words, the ghost of Sophia Strong is the biggest cock block is the university’s history. Nothing makes men go limp as fast as seeing an old woman in a mirror. Now that’s scary.

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